The Captain and the Teaboy
by minimumstitch
Summary: Jack and Ianto swap for the day with tragic consequences. A/N: Thanks to Blaze Moonlight for pointing out that I had attached the wrong doc oops! this should be the correct one.


"Jack, stop it! Will youplease just go to sleep, it's been a long day and I'm tired." Ianto snapped in annoyance.

Jack pouted at him, casting puppy dog eyes. "That's not going to work, Jack, I'm exhausted. The rift may well have been quiet which meant that you didn't have to go sacrificing yourself again, but some of us still had work to do" snarled Ianto, his patience beginning to desert him.

"Oh come on Yan, what could possibly have tired you out today?" Jack asked petulantly.

"Let's see, maybe it was cleaning out Janet's cell, feeding Myfanwy, making endless cups of coffee to feed a certain captain's addiction or maybe it was spending hours on the phone to the Prime Minister because you wouldn't speak to her. No, that couldn't possibly be it! It must have been disposing of the Weevil corpse that you brought in yesterday and completing your paperwork."

"Just a minute! I've been working hard too you know. It's not easy being a sex god, servicing your loyal staff's needs. And stopping Gwen and Tosh maiming Owen is a full time job in itself!"

"One, the only staff member's needs you should be servicing is mine and two you don't stop Tosh and Gwen maiming Owen, I do! You get them started and retreat to your office when it gets out of hand. I'm the one that ends up listening to Tosh and Gwen rant before calming them with chocolate and coffee!" exclaimed Ianto.

Jack began to huff "Alright, if you think it's so easy to be me, I challenge you to be me for a day."

"Done" said Ianto getting out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Jack asked in confusion.

Ianto looked back at Jack with a cheeky grin on his face. "I fancy a day off tomorrow so I'll make a list of my duties for you." Jack began to splutter. "Fair's fair, if I get the pleasure of being you tomorrow, it would be churlish of me to not reciprocate. Plus, I would hate to think that you might not get the full Ianto Jones experience, therefore it's only right to make a list so that you don't miss anything exciting." With that Ianto dropped to the chair at Jack's writing desk, pulled out several sheets of paper and began to write.

The next morning Ianto awoke to find an excited Jack watching him. "Morning" mumbled Ianto. "Good morning Captain" said Jack with a kiss and a grin. "Mmm, you taste different this morning; it must be that Captain Jack goodness… Are you ready to be your favourite Captain for the day? I warn you it may be too much for you. I mean it's not easy to be me, having to put my body on the line 3-4 times a day to keep my faithful … What are you anyway?" asked Jack looking confused.

"What do you mean, what am I?" snapped Ianto shooting daggers at Jack. Jack realised his mistake "I didn't mean it that way, I meant what's your official Torchwood title? Owen's the medic, Tosh's the analyst, and Gwen is …What is Gwen?"

Ianto got out of bed looking rumpled and bemused. "My, or rather today, your title is archivist. Gwen is a field agent. At least that's what her contract calls her. Now, Teaboy, I think that you will find that it is time for you to carry out duty number one."

Ianto sauntered to wards the bathroom. Jack looked down at the list Ianto had given him and smiled '_Fuck the Captain senseless in the shower'_. He hurried into the bathroom, cock hard and aching. "What kept you? I thought I was going to have to punish you for neglecting your duties." Growled Ianto.

"Sorry sir, it won't happen again" promised Jack reaching for the soap.

2.

Once Jack had dressed in the suit he normally reserved for weddings and funerals he looked at the next item on the list and decided there was nothing to do but cheat. Fifteen minutes later Ianto looked up in amusement as a Starbucks cup was placed in front of him. "What? You didn't honestly expect me to incur your wrath by actually trying to use that beast you call a coffee maker, did you?"

"No" said Ianto "but I did expect you to cheat and pour the coffee into one of our mugs to make it look like you did."

"Damn, I should have thought of that. The change is starting already, I'm losing my deviousness. I may never be the Captain I was again." Jack shook his head looking mournful as he left the office.

Ianto chuckled as he leant back in his chair, propped his feet on the desk and began sipping his coffee. He could definitely get used to being Captain Jack Harkness.

Ianto had just begun to sip his coffee when he heard Jack yelp. The sound appeared to be coming from Myfanwy's nesting area. Ianto leapt to his feet to check on Jack. Although Myfanwy was gentle she could be temperamental.

Ianto found a disgruntled looking pterodactyl stopping Jack from entering her nesting space. As Ianto observed the situation he noticed that the pterodactyl was fine with Jack until he spoke and then she would begin to look confused and lash out.

With a flash of insight Ianto moved towards the pair of them speaking softly in Welsh. Myfanwy looked at him in confusion then began to chirrup. "Ianto, what's going on? Why won't she let me in, it's not as if I haven't looked after her before?"

"She's confused. You normally wear the same thing when you deal with her as do I. She doesn't know how to behave. I suppose to her it looks like we are wearing each other's skin. You would be confused if I suddenly started talking like Owen!" explained Ianto softly.

Ianto began talking softly to her, slowly holding out his hand until it was almost touching her crest. Myfanwy began to coo and butted his hand. With a chuckle Ianto began stroking the pterodactyl. He nodded to Jack, motioning for him to start stroking the dinosaur. After a while Ianto removed his hand leaving Jack petting the dinosaur. When he saw that Myfanwy was settled with Jack, he left to go back to the hard business of being Captain Jack Harkness.

When Jack came down looking dirty and dishevelled after cleaning out Myfanw's nest and feeding her, he had a face like thunder. "You taught the bloody pterodactyl to speak Welsh! From now on she learns to understand English. Bloody Welsh dinosaurs." He ranted. Jack turned to leave but stopped in his tracks as a thought occurred to him. "How come you always look immaculate after looking after Myfanwy?" he asked suspiciously.

Ianto only just managed to keep a straight face as he explained patiently. "That would be because I get showered and changed before I come and see you, plus I always wear an old suit when I clear her out."

"You sneaky little…" Jack growled. "All this time we have been thinking you were some kind of superhuman, never a hair out of place and now it turns out you have been cheating all along!" Ianto merely smirked and wandered back to his temporary office, leaving Jack fuming in his wake.

At 8am the others began to troop in, first Toshiko, followed by Gwen and trailing in last, was Owen. They all looked in bemusement at Jack and then at Ianto in Jack's office. "Alright, what's going on?" Owen asked as Jack handed him his coffee. "Why are you wearing a suit and why is Teaboy dressed like Biggles?"

Jack scowled "Until 6pm I am Ianto Jones, archivist, receptionist, handyman and sextoy and Ianto is your handsome, fearless leader Captain Jack Harkness."

Gwen and Tosh began giggling and even Owen started to chuckle. "What's so funny? Ianto is more than capable of being a leader to you lot!" Jack huffed. "Oh, we know that!" said Tosh "We just don't think you'll be able to do Ianto's job." Gwen explained.

"Oi! Of course I can do Ianto's job! How useless do you think I am?" Jack asked petulantly.

"Of course you can" said Owen patronisingly before adding "Alright ladies, how long do we think Jack will last? I say until lunch-time. Tosh, what time do you want?"

Jack looked imploringly at Tosh. "Sorry Jack" apologised Tosh. "Owen, tenner on 3pm."

"Tenner it is. Ok Gwen how about you?" Gwen was torn between earning brownie points with her boss and dream lover, or earning ten pounds. "Put me down for £10, 11am."

"Et tu Brute?" exclaimed Jack giving Gwen a hurt look before walking away, shoulders hunched dejectedly. Gwen and Tosh looked at each other, a guilty look passing between them before they began to giggle. They looked up at the office to see Ianto standing at the window, looking down at them in a classic Jack pose before giving them a wink and disappearing back to his desk.

"So… How long do you think it's going to be before Ianto blows a gasket when he sees what Jack is going to do to his filing?" asked Tosh.

3.

Jack opened the Tourist Information office at 9am and sat at the counter. He looked at his list. He pouted when he read _'prepare file for Jack's teleconference with PM',_ then he realised that Ianto was him until 6pm and would therefore be taking the meeting. With a whistle he began to collate the information Ianto would need for the meeting.

Ianto wandered up to the tourist information to make sure that everything was running smoothly only to come across Jack flirting outrageously with a group of women old enough to be Ianto's grandmother.

Jack spotted Ianto just as he was backing out of the office. "Hey, Ianto, come and join us, this is Gladys, Beryl, Maureen, Gwyneth and Mary. Ladies, meet Ianto."

Ianto glared at Jack as the ladies began to coo over Ianto. He managed to extract himself from their grasps but not before his bum had been pinched several times, as the ladies "loved a man in uniform". Jack looked put out as none of the ladies had commented how good he looked in a suit.

"As I see you are coping I'll catch up with paperwork" said Ianto. "Nice to meet you ladies".

Later Jack came to drop off the file for Ianto only for it to be handed back to him. "What!?!" said Jack in confusion. "You'll need this for your meeting with the PM later" said Ianto. "But you're taking the meeting, you're being me today remember?" whined Jack.

"Exactly!" exclaimed Ianto triumphantly. "You always foist the meetings with the PM on me while you pretend to be engrossed in some matter of extreme importance on the computer when actually you're playing battleships. Therefore as you are being me, give my love to the PM." Ianto smirked as Jack stomped out of the office muttering under his breath.

Tosh gave a startled look as Jack walked past her cursing. She went up to Jack's/Ianto's office to find Ianto grinning. "I think I could get used to this Captain business!"

4.

After the meeting with the PM a ratty Jack brought Ianto his coffee. "Oh dear, did the meeting not go well?" asked Ianto cheekily. "Bloody woman, I was on the phone for hours, the woman is impossible, complaining that we are indiscrete. How the hell are you supposed to get into a cordoned off area discretely, hmmm?" Jack ranted.

Ianto stood "I think this calls for item number 4 on your list _'relax Ianto with a long, slow fuck'_ "he murmured in Jack's ear. Jack moaned as Ianto ghosted his mouth over Jack's ear and down his neck…

Tosh, Owen and Gwen looked up at the office, slightly disturbed at the sound of Jack and Ianto moaning and groaning. What was disturbing them was not the moans, they were used to that, what was disturbing them was that Jack seemed to be yelling "Oh god! Captain please" whilst Ianto was shouting his own name in ecstasy. "That is just creepy!" said Owen in disgust.

Jack felt the team's eyes on him as he left the office straightening his tie, "What? Why are you looking at me like that? What have I done?"

"You called your own name out during sex, that's just wrong. You and Teaboy are seriously twisted." answered Owen. Tosh and Gwen nodded in agreement.

"No we didn't!" argued Jack "Ianto is Captain Jack Harkness and I am Ianto Jones; at least until 6pm. If the Captain is going to the trouble to provide stress therapy it would be incredibly rude to call out the wrong name during said therapy."

Owen shook his head "Weak, very weak".

4.

At 4.05pm the rift monitor began to beep. Ianto hurried down from Jack's office. "What have we got Tosh?" he asked. Just then, the cog door rolled back and Jack hurried into the hub "What have we got Tosh?" "Whoa, de javu" murmured Owen looking amused. Ianto and Jack gave him identical dirty looks before turning back to Tosh.

"Not sure, I don't recognise the signature but it's on the move." Said Tosh.

"Okay guys, let's go. Tosh, stay here and guide us. The rest of you with me. Oh, and Ianto, don't forget your coat."

As they made their way to the SUV Ianto pulled on Jack's greatcoat. Gwen hung back a little, "What are you doing" asked Ianto as he turned to see what was holding her back. "I'm appreciating the view; you look seriously sexy in that coat!" Ianto began to blush and Jack glared at Gwen. "Oi, hands off, he's taken. "

Owen chuckled "You're just jealous because Gwen has never said that you look sexy in the coat. You and your ego!"

"Ok enough of this. Alien to catch, remember?" said Ianto bringing an end to the conversation. He slid into the driver's seat and started the engine. "Jack, stop pouting, you are the teaboy today, which means you get the passenger seat."

Jack glared at him and there was silence in the SUV, only punctuated by Tosh's directions. "OK guys, you're there. There's no CCTV in the area, so you're on your own I'm afraid."

"Thanks Tosh, we'll take it from here. Ianto and Gwen that way, Owen you're with me." They split up and began to circle the derelict building. Ianto and Gwen moving to the left and Jack and Owen taking the right.

They met at the back of the building before moving back around to the front entrance together. Jack tested the front door to find that it was unlocked. Silently he pushed the door open. He signalled for the others to follow him before going in.

The building was dark and silent, the gloom lifted slightly by the small amount of sunlight shining through the dirt darkened windows.

Ianto stopped and motioned for the others to stop. "Listen!" There was a shuffling sound coming from behind a large crate. They began to move silently towards the crate. Suddenly the creature erupted from behind the crate moving towards the front door. As it passed by them it brushed against Ianto and he felt a sharp pain. He barely had time to exclaim his surprise before he fell to the ground, eyes glazed and unseeing.

"Ianto!" shouted Jack, torn between seeing to Ianto and stopping the creature. "Jack, you have to stop it, I'll see to Ianto "said Owen already in motion. Jack ran after the creature and they heard shots ring out before Jack raced back to them.

He stopped as he saw Gwen kneeling beside Ianto, tears streaming down her face. He noticed the medic standing a distance away, shoulders slumped.

"What's going on? Owen help him!" Jack commanded.

"Jack, mate, it's too late, he's gone. " Owen said softly.

"No you're wrong. He can't be gone" Jack dropped to his knees beside Ianto and pulled him into his arms. "Come on, come back to me. Come on take a breath." Jack kissed Ianto trying to push air into his lungs but Ianto just gazed up at him. The eyes that spoke volumes now said nothing.

Owen appeared at Jack's side with a body bag. "No! No! You are not putting him in that thing. He will be back and I am not having him wake up in a fucking body bag." Jack yelled in anger.

"Jack, love, he's gone. Ianto is gone and he's not coming back." Gwen sobbed.

"Don't cry Gwen, He'll be back, He always comes back. He leaves but he always comes back" said Jack a maniacal gleam in his eyes.

"Jack. Ianto is dead, he's not coming back, you do realise that he is dead? He is never coming back!" Owen explained.

Jack just looked at him as though he were an idiot. "Of course I know he's dead but he always comes back. It's not 6pm yet. He'll be back".

"What…? Jack he is not you, he is not coming back, he is gone forever, I'm sorry mate but you have to let go." Owen tried to remove Jack's arms from Ianto's frame only to have Jack tighten his hold.

"No! You are not taking him!" he screamed.

"Jack" Gwen said softly "Let's get Ianto back to the hub; it will be more comfortable for him there." Gwen silenced Owen's protests with a look. "Jack, can you carry Ianto to the SUV? You can sit in the back with him, make sure he's ok."

Jack lifted Ianto's body, cradling it in his arms; Ianto's head snuggled against Jack's shoulder.

"Gwen, what the fuck are you doing? You know he's not coming back!" Owen muttered angrily. Gwen just looked at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears "Do you have any other ideas! Come on, we need to get the bastard that did this in the body bag and back to the hub. "

While Gwen and Owen carefully moved the dead creature into the body bag, using gloves, careful not to make skin to skin contact, Jack was sitting in the back of the SUV. He had fastened the seatbelt around Ianto and sat there with his arm around him, pulling the body so that it was flush against him and Ianto's head was resting on Jack's shoulder. He stroked Ianto's hair and pressed his lips against his temple murmuring to him.

Jack barely moved throughout the journey back to the hub. When they pulled into the garage they found Tosh waiting for them with a gurney, her face puffy and swollen from crying.

Jack lifted Ianto out of the SUV and laid him gently on the SUV. "I'm going to get him cleaned up, he'd hate coming back filthy. Owen, take care of the creature. It's a species we haven't come across before so a complete autopsy please." Jack paused before moving him to the area they had designated the recover y room, an area Ianto had prepared for when Jack was dead so he didn't wake up in the morgue.

"Gwen, what happened?" Tosh demanded.

"I don't know! One minute Ianto was there the next he was crumpled on the ground. We think the alien's skin is toxic and it brushed against Ianto. Tosh, Jack thinks Ianto's coming back. He's determined that, since their day swap hadn't ended yet, that Ianto can come back the way he does." Gwen began to sob and folded against Tosh, clinging to her. The two women sank to the floor. Neither of them noticed the medic standing a short distance away, tears falling silently down his face before being angrily wiped away.

Jack began removing Ianto's clothes explaining what he was doing every step of the way. "Ok, I'm just removing your coat, don't worry I'm hanging it up neatly. Now the shirt, you know this is far more fun when you are participating, as much as I like you submissive, this is taking it too far. Ok, now the undershirt. Now I know why you complain about me wearing too many layers!" Jack stopped and ran his hand down Ianto's torso.

His hands trembled as he began to unbuckle Ianto's belt. He undid the trouser buttons. "Ok, now would be a good time for you to come back, it's starting to get very interesting. I'm going to lift your hips now". Jack lifted ianto's hips with one hand and tugged his pants down with the other. "Oops! You'd never make such an amateur mistake as removing my pants before removing my shoes. Right, I'm gonna remove your shoes and socks. Sorry you look a bit undignified with your pants around your ankles but it'll be fixed soon. Right, all done. Now for the bed bath."

Gwen and Tosh walked in just as Jack finished cleaning Ianto. "Tosh! Gwen! Just the people I wanted to see. Can you stay with Ianto while I get some clean clothes for him? I don't want him alone when he comes back." Jack said before kissing Ianto softly.

"Jack…" started Tosh. "Ianto isn't…"

"Get out! Now! Just GO! He doesn't need to hear you being negative! Gwen, stay with him!" Jack stormed out of the room.

"Tosh, he doesn't mean it, he's in shock, just give him time." Murmured Gwen, gathering the sobbing Toshiko towards her.

"What are you still doing here? I thought I told you to leave!" hissed Jack. Tosh ignored him and moved towards Ianto. She leant and stroked his hair before kissing his cheek. "I love you, be safe, I hope you find Lisa" she whispered in his ear. Tosh gathered herself together and went to Jack. "Jack, I know you don't want to hear this, but Ianto is gone! He can't come back no matter how much you and I want him to. Please, let him go in peace."

Jack bowed his head and they could see shudders wracking his body before his head lifted and they saw him paste the false jovial smile on his face.

"Don't worry Yan; they don't know what they're saying. You've just got a bit lost that's all. It's dark where you are I know, but just follow my voice and you'll be back in no time. I'm going to dress you now so you'll be a bit warmer. You know, I've never actually dressed you. I think we need to change that when return, it might be fun!"

Gwen left the room, pausing to lay a hand on Jack's shoulder. He grasped it briefly before going back to his ministrations.

5.

Jack refused to move Ianto's body to the morgue and sat next to him, never leaving his side except to go to the bathroom. He ate what was put in front of him but refused to drink the coffee that the others brought him.

After a day, they tried again to get Jack to accept the truth, that Ianto was truly gone. "No! He will be back, what's happened to you all? Why won't you even entertain the idea that he will come back? We swapped, I was him and he was me, so he has to come back. I leave but I always come back. I always come back… why hasn't he come back yet? He knows I need him, why hasn't come back?"

The others watched helplessly as Jack broke down, his chest heaving with great, heavy sobs. He clutched Ianto's cold hand and began to talk. "Love you…Need you…Come back..." he repeated in a choked voice through the sobbing. Gwen went to hug him only to be stopped by Owen.

"Leave him; let him get it out of his system." Owen said. Gwen turned on Owen about to tear strips of him about his insensitivity only to be stopped short by the look of anguish on his face. She moved towards him only to be stopped by Toshiko. Tosh moved towards Owen and wrapped her arms around him, holding him as he cried.

"Go home Gwen, go and see Rhys, you need him." Toshiko murmured.

After Gwen had left, Jack left the recovery room. He looked around to see Owen and Tosh huddled together on the sofa asleep. Jack moved silently towards Owen's medical kit and removed the syringe and ampoules it held for emergencies, then returned to the recovery room as silently as he left.

Tosh and Owen awoke to a high, keening wail that sent shivers down their spines. They rushed into the recovery room and stopped short. Jack was huddled on the floor, rocking, and his mouth open as he screamed.

"Jack, stop, please Jack, snap out of it!" Toshiko pleaded.

Owen spotted the syringe and glass bottles lying at Jack's feet. "You stupid, selfish fucker! What the fuck were you thinking of? Is one corpse not enough for us to deal with? How dare you try and leave us to clean up this shit!" he ranted.

Jack stopped the awful keening and began to cry. "He's not coming back…I went to find him and he wasn't there. He wasn't there! He's gone! Tosh what do I do now? I never got to say goodbye or tell him I love him. Oh God! Why didn't I tell him I love him? He's on his own, he'll be so scared…"

Tosh knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around him, rocking him gently. "Shh Jack, Shh…He knew you loved him, he knew every time you touched him and he's not alone, he has Lisa to look after him. "

"I miss him! I miss him so much. He made me feel human. I forgot how wrong I was when I was him." Jack sobbed.

Owen moved towards Jack. "Jack, I'm going to give you a sedative to make you sleep. You need to rest and I promise not to move Ianto until you are back." Owen injected Jack before he could protest. "Tosh, help me get him to the couch. He can sleep it off there."

When Jack awoke several hours later he had a brief moment of peace and then the truth crashed into him forcing him to gasp with the pain of his grief. Tosh, Owen and Gwen hurried towards him.

"I'm okay. You'd think I would be used to this by now, but it always feels like the first time each time. Come on it's time to take care of Ianto." He stated almost woodenly.

As he walked into the recovery room he grabbed his coat. The others followed him looking confused. As he reached Ianto he explained. "Ianto always loved this coat, he said that it made him feel safe, said that it felt like my arms were wrapped around him when he wore it." With that he began to awkwardly put the coat on Ianto.

"Owen, can you get a drawer ready please. No body bag, he hates enclosed spaces. Put a sheet down please so that it's not so uncomfortable." Owen hurried away to carry out Jack's orders.

Jack picked up Ianto and carried him into the morgue and laid him gently on the tray that Owen had prepared. He looked down at the corpse on the drawer and truly realised that this was not Ianto, it was merely the shell he occupied. Ianto was gone, the spark extinguished. Jack kissed his cold lips and then stood back to allow the others to say their goodbyes.

After Owen's "see ya Teaboy" Jack pushed the drawer in and closed the door, tears falling silently down his face.

At that moment the rift alarm went off. Jack wiped his face. "Ok guys, time to get back to work, the world won't stop for us, no matter how much we want it to."

**Epilogue**

Tosh walked into Jack's office carrying a book and several disks. Jack was staring into space, tears streaming down his face.

"Jack? Can I show you something?" Tosh asked softly.

Jack gestured for her to come in and his expression changed so quickly that if it weren't for the tear tracks on his face Tosh would never have guessed at his true feelings.

Tosh laid the book and disks in front of Jack. Jack looked at the book; it was a large black and white pinstripe notebook. He opened it to the first page to see a picture of him and Ianto dancing. Jack remembered when the photograph had been taken and began to genuinely smile.

"I got some of the things when we were clearing his flat and the rest I have gotten from the CCTV and around the hub. I thought you should have something to remind you of the good times with Ianto. To remind you that you were and always will be loved." Tosh said quietly.

Jack murmured his thanks before returning to the book, his fingers stroking the image of a smiling Ianto.

Turning the pages he came across a note that he thought he had thrown out. It was a note he had written after he had come back from his time with the Doctor, a note that told Ianto exactly how he felt about him and that he had never had the courage to give him. The note looked worn.

"Tosh" Jack yelled. Tosh hurried back in to the room. "Where did you find this?" he asked.

Tosh looked at the note Jack was pointing at and smiled. "It was in his wallet, he carried it with him. You did tell him that you loved him; you just didn't know that you had. He died knowing that you loved him." With that Tosh kissed Jack and walked out of the office leaving him to his memories, a peaceful smile on his face.


End file.
